Father’s Day is Complicated

Fathers Day is a complicated holiday for a lot of people. A lot of us had absent or abusive fathers so I rarely choose to add any commentary to the festivities on the day of. It’s also painful for those who have lost their fathers or for fathers who have lost or don’t have access to their children. Consider this post food for thought or commiseration. If you have or had a great relationship with your father or mother, be thankful. I’m so fucking thankful that my kids have an amazing dad who will go to the ends of the earth for them. Even if he didn’t have the best example and his own father was absent for most of his life. 

My father passed away this year and it was hard for me to process. I didn’t meet him until 7 years ago, because my mother chose to leave him before I was born and prevented me from contacting him for fear he would get custody of me, but he spent my whole life looking for me and wanting to be in my life. My mother made a lot of bad choices, we have hardly any relationship because of these choices. I won’t get into details here, I already have in several other posts. While my dad wasn’t the best person, I can say he cared about me and what happened to me which is more than I can honestly say for my mother, so it hit me hard. 

I’m very fortunate and grateful to my husband, Logan Boese. He is a wonderful father. Far more “maternal” than I ever have been. I’ve always taken on the breadwinner Role. Fuck gender rules and norms! Right?! But we’ve both gotten a lot of shit from people over the years, me from working and him for being “Mr. Mom.” Said in a derogatory way. 

My boyfriend, Joseph Russell Keens Jr is not so fortunate. His ex-wife ran off with their daughter years ago and has refused to allow contact with her. She spread lies about him to friends and family and the pastor’s family she is staying with now told her if she allows him any contact with his daughter that they will throw her on the streets. There’s more to this story and the things she did but I won’t get into those things publicly right now. Again, this is a common midwestern problem, it’s very difficult for dads to get custody or access a lot of times. I’ve seen fathers have to fight tooth and nail for years to get their kids back from abusive or drug addicted moms just because the courts side with the moms 9/10 times or more. He tried going through the courts, calling the police (who did nothing) and the one time he’s had enough money to hire an attorney-ended up getting scammed and losing the money he put up. He’s never given up, been civil with his ex and reached out as often as he could, Don’t worry, that’s all going to change, one way or another we will find a way (via attorneys, media or public support) to get his daughter , who is now 8, just had a birthday and has been asking to speak with him, back into his arms as soon as possible. The world is changing and in some ways it seems like the apocalypse is here and everything is going to shit, but in other ways, the public is becoming more consciously aware of struggles that were only known to more marginalized groups before. There’s power in this and there’s strength in numbers, support and belief. We can do better for this generation and the next, together in power. ✌️Hope you had a Happy Father’s Day 

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